A Thousand Thoughts

HONOUR THE DRIVE

I was always called ‘intense’, and it wasn’t really a compliment.

Frustration about stopping a task or being interrupted is often used as a criticism of people, and it even features in diagnostic criteria of autism in childhood evaluations. The common view seems to be that it is evidence of being self-absorbed, impatient, rude. Maybe obsessive, maybe rigid. Definitely a deficit.

What if your mind is shaped in a way that finds and connects to tiny wordless threads of things that need to be followed, and they need to be followed now? What if discoveries are being made and beauty is being created, even if no one else sees it? When kids interrupt adults, they are typically told off. Is that because of the interruption, or interrupting an adult? Is it the subject matter that determines what is important?

Why are we so unwilling to let people set their own pace? Who made a hierarchy of interests and activities? How did that bleed into daily life, not just education settings, employment settings? (And I’m not leaving that unchallenged, that’s totally problematic.)

Sometimes a hyperfocus is some kind of personal campaign, or ‘work’ that feels like I can’t rightly call it work because it is unpaid and no one else asked me to do it, and it might take weeks of my focus. When in the flow of this kind of focus, there is an actual cost to the amount of time and energy I have available for connection in the relationships in my family. It doesn’t mean they’re forgotten or neglected, but it does mean that while I’m following that bright line, that’s where more of my energy is going than it usually is. I’m going to do more research at night, I’m not going to watch a show together.

Where I would once have worn criticism about this as a moral failing, skewed priorities or problems in a relationship, I don’t accept that anymore. This is my strength. The ebb and flow of energy and interest is not unbalanced, it is a balancing act. Hyperfixation on something does not equal lack of care or selfishness. The way in which I hone in on things is now one of my treasured traits, and I am proud of it. Honour the drive. It has purpose and reason and if I don’t, things are missed.

Honour the drive.

Hilary

A Thousand Thoughts

Blog www.athousandthoughts.net

[Photo ID: me, a light-skinned woman with brown shoulder-length hair, seated and holding a cello and bow. Two young kids are in the photo, one mostly out of view, and have been moving their bodies to the sound, before I lifted my bow in the air in a playful flourish.]

• Originally published on Facebook in conjunction with PDA Our Way. Words are my own.